Are we all happy with that?
I am, because if I hadn’t retired to Phuket I most certainly would not be blogging, I would not be warm( it’s so hot and sunny here), I would not be making my own ham and bacon, I would not be a published author the list is endless.
Why? I can hear you all saying.
Choices, circumstances, call it what you may….. sometimes we have to just be brave, go with the flow, listen to our hearts, be a little selfish…..yes why not…… years ago and I mean years ago I wanted to study Law…..I got these looks, comments…why Carol? you have a good job, you have a family why…all these puzzled looks…..why? for me, because I wanted to……so I enrolled…… time to study!
” Mum, Can I? Mum, can you? it didn’t stop….
Enter my friend Gilly…….My neighbour, confidant, shoulder to cry on, my independent career driven friend who had no children of her own…and my kids were her kids…..for sleep overs, cooking , story telling and she had plenty of those…..
In she came…..like a stern maiden aunt…..even I was a tad afraid…..” Now listen kids; your mum was herself before she was your mum…….when she is studying…because she wants to….YOU….do not disturb her…anything you want you ask before or after ”
To me she said ” you shut the door and you study, you do not answer any knocks, pleadings, wants ”
” Yes Ma’am ”
I miss you Gilly……. so much but your spirit is with me and your pictures ( the painting), The hot air balloons going up, up and away over Weston, my ” Crazy Dancing Cow “ is on my desk…yes she came with me……..you are in my heart, you are my inspiration and we all have so many memories of fun times shared R.I.P my friend.
So in I go, sat down..books open , pen at the ready….” Knock , Knock, mum”
From me…nada..no response…..it got a bit louder…..then went away……came back and tried again…..but after a few days of this ….they got the message…I got peace and quiet to study…….yehhhh…so I suppose what I have learnt through life is we all love our kids, we want to do our best for them but a door mat we ain’t and we all need our me time and everyone is happier for this and do you know?
35 plus years later.
When one of your children tells you that you are why they are what they are today and they are proud of YOU ……….you know you have done something right among all the things you got wrong…and no one is perfect..not me, not you..no one……….
So good luck with the choices you make..don’t beat yourself up if they don’t turn out quite as you wanted but a little bit of self belief goes along way…you tried…..everyday is a new day.
AND Saturday for me is a big day….I get to see, to hold, to turn the pages of our book for the first time…my very first offerings to the world in print ……… Now who would have thought…if I had written my future 20 years ago I would have got it totally wrong!
I would not be living here in sunny Phuket………..again..choices, some say ” lucky you,” You are so brave ( not sure I get that one), some may think very selfish …we cannot please all the people all of the time.
It all goes back to that opening line;
” I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday.”